Our Very Existence

Random. And incoherent.

How to shut down Windows 8 (with black magic)

with 2 comments

Any computer operating system should be intuitive. Windows 8 isn’t so it deserves a good beating for making the simple tasks take longer to complete. That said, please don’t start telling me that “OMG KEVIN YOU’RE SUCH A NOOB!!!! LOLZ GO GOOGLE ITTT” because if it were intuitive, I wouldn’t need to waste time looking around for a fast method for shutting it down and making a complete mockery of whatever this joke of an operating system is.

If you hate wasting time with the bullshit method of shutting down (go to Metro, click username, sign out, figure out what to do in the bloody lock screen, click the power icon, then shutdown), then you’re in for a treat as I have the perfect shortcut.

Step 1: Hold down your laptop’s/desktop’s power button for a few seconds and wait for magic.
Step 2: Watch as Microsoft’s pride and glory disappear right before your eyes while your hard drive abruptly spins down and makes this tiny screeching sound.
Step 3: Congratulations!

Given enough time, your hard drive will get physically damaged from vomiting over Microsoft’s raw product.

Less awesome way of shutting down:

Step 1: Hit Alt+F4 while on the desktop app (I’m vomiting right nowjcfjxjfxmfxrjxmxjfsxdjaicueueorp….shit. my keyboard.)
Step 2: Select shut down and click OK.

But this method would be a pain in the ass if you’re actually using Metro apps(nauseated, might vomsuuchwhsixhwuxuahzipwjsia), which is why the black magic method works best on every scenario

Seriously Microsoft, sort your shit out.


Written by kpbotbot

April 15, 2013 at 1:26 pm

2 Responses

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  1. They’ll have Windows BLUE <– a whole service pack to put the start menu back :/


    April 15, 2013 at 4:59 pm

    • Good for them. Though the fact that they first have to hear terrible reviews before finally doing shit about it sickens me. They lack foresight lol.

      Windows 8 is pointless, and until Microsoft shows me something that’s worthy of being a milestone in operating system history (therefore worth the money), I’ll be happy to diss all future releases including Windows Blue.


      April 16, 2013 at 4:24 am

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