Pre-sleep thoughts (#2)
First of all, I’d like to congratulate myself for actually being able to update a “series” I started a long time ago with this post. Though a major breakthrough (for me at the very least), I still have no plans on continually adding content to this series because I have commitment issues, I guess. Or was that her? I’m not sure.
Pre-sleep thoughts is still what it is after a very long time, though. This is, and I quote myself “me blogging late at night about some random topic my mind brought up 3.2 FUCKING SECONDS BEFORE FALLING ASLEEP.”
These past few nights my mind has been repeatedly bombarded with thoughts concerning myself: Inner struggles, conflicting ideals, my fluctuating self-esteem and worth, purpose in life, and long-term goals. Thoughts often supplemented with brutal visions of assholes and self-centered people that I sooo badly want dead.
These thoughts, however, I can’t seem to write about anymore.
For some reason, I’ve been having difficulty writing things about myself. Is there a problem with my first person point-of-view writing? Am I just completely unable to concretize things concerning myself that are floating around my head? Or do I not understand myself enough to be able to explain?
To add to that, I can’t refer to my life in posts as “my life” because to me it sound ridiculous, awkward, and corny.
Did I really need to write about myself in the first place? Was my brain just reminding me to stray away from being agnostic towards things and start taking stands? Is there something I needed to start doing to change my life and then be able to answer the questions I have always been asking?
I don’t bloody know. For now.