I love stuff (literally)
If we were living under the same roof for whatever reason, be it that we’re roommates or really close relatives or that we’re engaged (which is unlikely, because forever alone, and that you’re probably a dude), you are bound to be frustrated at some point by my never-ending love for hoarding needless crap that will not serve you or me any purpose whatsoever now or in the future.
This isn’t a warning for you to not commit a huge chunk of your life “in close proximity to me”,
and if you’re not a dude I would beg you to love me because I’m lonely as fuck. I’m just saying this as a horrible introduction for a blog post you’ve probably seen and clicked on Facebook and then abruptly left.
I don’t know. Writing works that way, I guess.
Anyway, this isn’t about my hoarding habits, or my justification for said useless brain impulses to keep… keeping stuff.
It’s just that…I love stuff.
I mean seriously. I love stuff. Just as there’s a shitload of people and their associated memories in my head that I just can’t let go (ever) are stuff that have been with me for a considerable amount of time that I pile onto whatever space I have in my room until that point where the very definition of matter’s a bitch and I can’t keep any more.
Seriously, who can just throw away various possessions which have already been given names? Case in point: I wept as soon as I discovered that my barely useful 5-year old Nokia 6230 (named “Celly”) that me and my friends used to gleefully throw around the soccer field back in highschol has been “disposed of” by a family member. WHY?!
I’m not being irrational, by the way. Crazy, yes. Irrational, no.
Without further ado, and without any more clichés in place of phrases I could have constructed myself, let me explain why I fucking love anthropomorphing things:
1. For one, it’s a lot better that objectifying people. Objectifying can often be defined as an act of treating another being as object, tool, or utility. Sexual objectification’s an example, where Person A sees person B as a tool or means of satisfying Person A’s sexual desires.
Personifying an object doesn’t hurt or at least offend anyone [citation needed, but fuck you I’m not going to great lengths to prove this]. Objectifying people can.
Making love to objects is another thing, I guess, but this blog post will NOT cover that specific topic for I cannot speak in behalf of the people who do such things, which I am totally not a part of, I swear.
2. They won’t ever hurt you. Do them either good or bad, they won’t do anything to harm you, especially emotionally.
While it is true that inanimate objects such as guns, bombs, and the awesomeness that are tanks were built to kill people or destroy things, they in themselves do not possess the cognitive functions (for having the necessary motives) nor physical capabilities to execute hostile actions against human beings. They need humans for those.
Damn, fuck humans.
+1 for freedom against gun control, I guess lol but that’s waaay out of the point.
3a. They are predictable. Unlike human beings who go through a million thought processes before making a decision regarding whatever, inanimate objects on the other hand, do nothing.
3b. Thus, you can be guaranteed that inanimate objects will not, under any circumstance excluding those involving outside force, desert you, deprecate you, nor replace you for another human or inanimate object.
It is guaranteed that whatever inanimate object you slept beside with in bed and left will remain there, loyally awaiting your return. Never will one of your stuff be in another person’s bed without your consent.
3c. Yes, their apparent lack of emotion is a significant drawback, but they make excellent companions. The fact that they won’t ever desert or hurt you is a given.
When all you need is someone or something to be with you during a crisis or a joyous moment, you can be assured that they will be with you until the end of that phase in your life.
Although they are devoid of emotion, they do not show the negative trends people exhibit over time. As time passes by, their desire to be with you, whatever the circumstances may be, remains constant. This is in contrast with humans’ dangerously and continuously decreasing variable desire to be around.
Again, they will never desert you, ensuring that you will always have a non-human shoulder to lean on.
4. As items designed to be utilities, it is understood that these objects accept the fact that they will soon be replaced by something superior of the same function.
In the case of my old, disposed of Nokia 6230, the said phone has forever remained in my heart even though I’ve moved from phone to phone throughout the years, loving them all the same.
They know they weren’t built to last forever, but they stay with you until the last moment that they usefully can. They know they need to be replaced, but never forgotten.
Humans by default shouldn’t be deprecated throughout the course of their relationships, but they happen nonetheless.
Damn, fuck humans.
Special mention: Portal’s Companion Cube. And Monument Valley’s Totem. And basically all cars which I have given personalities based on their looks and emotions on how they sound.