Our Very Existence

Random. And incoherent.

Archive for the ‘Not worth reading.’ Category

I love stuff (literally)

leave a comment »

If we were living under the same roof for whatever reason, be it that we’re roommates or really close relatives or that we’re engaged (which is unlikely, because forever alone, and that you’re probably a dude), you are bound to be frustrated at some point by my never-ending love for hoarding needless crap that will not serve you or me any purpose whatsoever now or in the future.

This isn’t a warning for you to not commit a huge chunk of your life “in close proximity to me”, and if you’re not a dude I would beg you to love me because I’m lonely as fuck. I’m just saying this as a horrible introduction for a blog post you’ve probably seen and clicked on Facebook and then abruptly left.

I don’t know. Writing works that way, I guess.

Anyway, this isn’t about my hoarding habits, or my justification for said useless brain impulses to keep… keeping stuff.

It’s just that…I love stuff.

I mean seriously. I love stuff. Just as there’s a shitload of people and their associated memories in my head that I just can’t let go (ever) are stuff that have been with me for a considerable amount of time that I pile onto whatever space I have in my room until that point where the very definition of matter’s a bitch and I can’t keep any more.

Seriously, who can just throw away various possessions which have already been given names? Case in point: I wept as soon as I discovered that my barely useful 5-year old Nokia 6230 (named “Celly”) that me and my friends used to gleefully throw around the soccer field back in highschol has been “disposed of” by a family member. WHY?!

I’m not being irrational, by the way. Crazy, yes. Irrational, no.

Without further ado, and without any more clichés in place of phrases I could have constructed myself, let me explain why I fucking love anthropomorphing things:

1. For one, it’s a lot better that objectifying people. Objectifying can often be defined as an act of treating another being as object, tool, or utility. Sexual objectification’s an example, where Person A sees person B as a tool or means of satisfying Person A’s sexual desires.

Personifying an object doesn’t hurt or at least offend anyone [citation needed, but fuck you I’m not going to great lengths to prove this]. Objectifying people can.

Making love to objects is another thing, I guess, but this blog post will NOT cover that specific topic for I cannot speak in behalf of the people who do such things, which I am totally not a part of, I swear.

2. They won’t ever hurt you. Do them either good or bad, they won’t do anything to harm you, especially emotionally.

While it is true that inanimate objects such as guns, bombs, and the awesomeness that are tanks were built to kill people or destroy things, they in themselves do not possess the cognitive functions (for having the necessary motives) nor physical capabilities to execute hostile actions against human beings. They need humans for those.

Damn, fuck humans.

+1 for freedom against gun control, I guess lol but that’s waaay out of the point.

3a. They are predictable. Unlike human beings who go through a million thought processes before making a decision regarding whatever, inanimate objects on the other hand, do nothing.

3b. Thus, you can be guaranteed that inanimate objects will not, under any circumstance excluding those involving outside force, desert you, deprecate you, nor replace you for another human or inanimate object.

It is guaranteed that whatever inanimate object you slept beside with in bed and left will remain there, loyally awaiting your return. Never will one of your stuff be in another person’s bed without your consent.

3c. Yes, their apparent lack of emotion is a significant drawback, but they make excellent companions. The fact that they won’t ever desert or hurt you is a given.

When all you need is someone or something to be with you during a crisis or a joyous moment, you can be assured that they will be with you until the end of that phase in your life.

Although they are devoid of emotion, they do not show the negative trends people exhibit over time. As time passes by, their desire to be with you, whatever the circumstances may be, remains constant. This is in contrast with humans’ dangerously and continuously decreasing variable desire to be around.

Again, they will never desert you, ensuring that you will always have a non-human shoulder to lean on.

4. As items designed to be utilities, it is understood that these objects accept the fact that they will soon be replaced by something superior of the same function.

In the case of my old, disposed of Nokia 6230, the said phone has forever remained in my heart even though I’ve moved from phone to phone throughout the years, loving them all the same.

They know they weren’t built to last forever, but they stay with you until the last moment that they usefully can. They know they need to be replaced, but never forgotten.

Humans by default shouldn’t be deprecated throughout the course of their relationships, but they happen nonetheless.

Damn, fuck humans.

Special mention: Portal’s Companion Cube. And Monument Valley’s Totem. And basically all cars which I have given personalities based on their looks and emotions on how they sound.

Written by kpbotbot

September 15, 2014 at 9:38 pm

Random Ramblings

with 2 comments

It has been exactly 360 days since I last wrote something on this blog. For whatever value this might hold to you, I apologize for not writing anything lately due to reasons I hope would be clear enough to understand given my poor thought-organization and writing skills.

Everything has come and gone, and so have my thoughts. Over the course of an almost-year, I’ve written a lot of whatever shit my mind came up – but finished nil. One pattern: Come up with an idea, start writing while avoiding the most annoying blog introductory cliches, and give up halfway.

It is my obviously my excessive fear of failure and judgement holding me back. Just stating that, though. Not that there’s anything I can do about it.

With that said, and with the fact that list-based articles are all the rage these days, I abruptly turn to numbers and bullet points for help because writing’s easier that way I have a lot of shit going on in my head right now and I can’t seem to figure out what the hell they have to do with one another.

1. Overthought. What I thought I wanted before and confidently acted upon by making bold, not-thought-through decisions have led my life into limbo. I took so many “wrong” turns off of forks on the road, wasting energy and time I could have easily invested into something else by taking a different path.

The formative years of my life, where I have made a complete joke of what my current state is now given all the wrong decisions, have been wasted to condition me into the most cautions human being to ever walk the planet. Everything from the most complex life decisions, down to the simplest of social interactions have to be over-thought, looking back from every mistake committed thus far and working through the bullshit to avoid making the same said mistakes.

The good: I am very careful with whatever I am doing
The bad: I am very careful with whatever I am doing so I end up accomplishing nothing
The ugly: I am wasteful of time spent on overthinking, yet I still manage to make the same mistakes I am trying to avoid.

It’s like stepping on dog turd, telling yourself to be extra cautious not to step on dog turd the next time, only to find yourself stepping on dog turd yet again.

Long story short, all my life have led me to overthink, and it has brought me nothing but a lot of extra emotional weight and zero practical advantages at all.

2. Cats are awesome. Cats like tight spaces. Cats like sticking their heads into whatever box they can get their paws on. Cats like staring at walls for no apparent reason.

I like tight spaces. I like sticking my head into whatever box I can get my paws hands on. I like staring at walls for no apparent reason.

I am, without a doubt, a cat.

3. Weirdly-shaped tools. It wasn’t until a good friend pointed out how all the things I am wholeheartedly interested in are a mishmash of things that simply do not fit that I came to understand a huge chunk of myself.

Nothing made sense with the crap I like. If you were to explore my brain like you could in Psychonauts (favorite game second to Chrono Trigger by the way. Kicks ass, but appreciated by naught), you’d see my love for bagpipe music over here, small sporty hatchbacks over there, plus computers and other technological devices scattered around. Wait did I forget the kitties of course there would be kitties and pygmy goats the ever-adorable love-children of huskies and corgis.

As a social human being I am thankful for my current set of friends, but beyond that circle I simply do not know where I’d position myself with my interests. Not that that’s a problem, because fuck other people anyway. I never wanted loud and crazy and parties and all that useless bullshit. (see: introversion)

It becomes a problem when you attempt to become a productive member of society. Case in point: I have absolutely nothing in common with the people I am working with. The set of skills I am required of and the set of skills I already have, when plotted in a Venn diagram, will have no union whatsoever.

I do not fit anywhere. Even if I did, it’d be barely, and I’d be that anomalous cog in the machine.

It works, but it weights and wears everybody down.

4. I do not have a proper conclusion for this. Also, #3 bears the worst “title” I have ever written.

I am fully aware that I’m not an excellent writer, nor am I a terrible one. I’ve had better and worse days. This is one of the latter, when I fail to understand just what in the world my head is brewing.

Things will get better.

In time. (was a terrible movie)

Written by kpbotbot

September 5, 2014 at 12:43 am

Pre-sleep thoughts (#2)

with one comment

First of all, I’d like to congratulate myself for actually being able to update a “series” I started a long time ago with this post. Though a major breakthrough (for me at the very least), I still have no plans on continually adding content to this series because I have commitment issues, I guess. Or was that her? I’m not sure.

Pre-sleep thoughts is still what it is after a very long time, though. This is, and I quote myself “me blogging late at night about some random topic my mind brought up 3.2 FUCKING SECONDS BEFORE FALLING ASLEEP.

These past few nights my mind has been repeatedly bombarded with thoughts concerning myself: Inner struggles, conflicting ideals, my fluctuating self-esteem and worth, purpose in life, and long-term goals. Thoughts often supplemented with brutal visions of assholes and self-centered people that I sooo badly want dead.

These thoughts, however, I can’t seem to write about anymore.

For some reason, I’ve been having difficulty writing things about myself. Is there a problem with my first person point-of-view writing? Am I just completely unable to concretize things concerning myself that are floating around my head? Or do I not understand myself enough to be able to explain?

To add to that, I can’t refer to my life in posts as “my life” because to me it sound ridiculous, awkward, and corny.

Did I really need to write about myself in the first place? Was my brain just reminding me to stray away from being agnostic towards things and start taking stands? Is there something I needed to start doing to change my life and then be able to answer the questions I have always been asking?

I don’t bloody know. For now.

Written by kpbotbot

August 3, 2013 at 5:58 pm

Stop reminding me that I still like you.

leave a comment »

It has always been you.

For the longest time that I have kept myself at a distance trying to forget everything from nearly 5 years ago, I kept lying to myself that I got over you. That I don’t need you. That the universe let us both cross our paths for no discernible reason. That all of the things including my most regretted mistakes were all random and serve no purpose whatsoever in my life.

I honestly don’t know what to believe anymore.

Things happen for a reason? Maybe. But I call bullshit.

Read the rest of this entry »

Written by kpbotbot

May 1, 2013 at 4:36 pm

Posted in Not worth reading.

Tagged with ,

An amazing human being.

leave a comment »

Kevin Paul P. Mabul
An Amazing Human Being

For the past 19 years that I have walked the earth, never have I realized that I am an amazing human being. It is only now that the end of the world is neigh that I have come to my senses and finally realize that I am vastly superior to my peers.

Just kidding. I totally meant the entirety of the human race.

Just kidding. Again. Holy shit am I bored as fuck. Anyway, if you have been to this blog before, I don’t have to tell you that the previous blocks of text was a joke as I’ve been a very depressed bastard with very low self-esteem.

Why all this bullshit? Because fuck you. That’s why. Never will I say that again as 9fags raped the shit out of that phrase. (Disclaimer: Not all 9gaggers are 9fags. It takes a special amount of gayness to become a 9fag, which in reality isn’t really that hard to come up with).

Serious part: Kingsoft Office KICKS ASS. Not. Wait, it does rock, but loses its touch when you reach a certain word count. I’m having a bit of trouble editing now as theres a bit of latency on every letter pressed. That’s with spell correction off on a Tegra 3 T30L equipped tablet.

(At this point writing has become 10x harder due to the lag. Screw this. I’m going back to writing with evernote)

The rest of the text including this was written with WordPress nao. Does this last piece of information matter to you? No.

Written by kpbotbot

December 16, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Why I keep my mouth shut.

leave a comment »

When I was little, I couldn’t go by a single minute without talking my heart out to people. I spewed out random information (and bullshit), sang, and just plain kept my mouth open right up their faces because I can. That’s a bit understandable, considering the fact that I was little and had a very naive mind. I never thought about the possibility of people talking behind my back because of my annoyingness.

Those days are behind me now, and I can pretty much say I’ve grown much since those times.

However, now that I’ve grown up and have the right things to talk about, nobody fucking listens.

What I hate the most? People who ask for my advice but never follow what I say.

For the love of fuck, what was my advice for? This has happened a lot of times already, and most of them are computer related. One example would be this one person who kept asking me which laptop to buy. I told him/her to tell me his budget, the computer’s possible range of uses, and his/her preference of brands or whatever it is that he/she wants me to not choose for him/her.

Guess where the conversation went.

Continue Reading

Written by kpbotbot

July 15, 2012 at 11:37 am

Dear World…

with one comment

I still don’t see how spending a shitload of money to keep me alive is worth it. 1 year and 4 months back, I almost died of Leptospirosis. I was in the hospital for 3 weeks: 1 week in the ward, and 2 weeks in the ICU +  rest in ward before I was released from the hospital. All in all, we’ve spent about P400,000. Return of investment for keeping me alive? Zero. Even in the near future I don’t think I’m going to make up for it.

That’s not the only reason why I’m thinking this way.

Continue Reading

Written by kpbotbot

April 18, 2012 at 8:13 am